As we turn the page on 2016 I can't help but reflect on the last year and how our life has flip flopped from the scary and unknown to blissful and feeling so complete.
At the start of 2016 our brand new marriage took little detour and we fell a bit rocky. For financial reasons we decided to stop wasting money on rent and save for a house so we moved into Kurt's mother's house. We did this despite of what I wanted and what the Bible says and not to mention it was also in our vows.
"a man leaves his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." -Ephesians 5:31
This created distance within our marriage and we began to grow apart. Although, my mother in law is a great woman and she was so kind to open up her home, it stopped me from being a home maker. I wasn't the woman of the house. And it was hard. I just got married and I wanted to create a home.
Confusion and uncertainty hit me like a ton of bricks and looking back there was only one explanation: Satan. I was happy and so looking forward to our future and the enemy tried to pull me away. And honestly, at times I didn't know who I was anymore or where I was. I wasn't myself but the worst part was I didn't even realize how different I was. One of my best friends in life and in faith tried to talk to me and turn me around to get me to see what was going on. And I denied anything was wrong. Seems at the time I was turning to people I barely even knew more than those that were close to me and have been there for me in the past. I had lost drive for my business and lost all inspiration for creating. I refused to attend social events that would normally be a big part of my life. I became so lost, so detached.
And why? I had the best husband. The best friends. And although we didn't have the ideal living situation; a good life. But for whatever reason at the time it wasn't good enough for me. That statement makes me sick to my stomach and brings tears to my eyes when I write it.
At times I literally felt God on one shoulder and the enemy on the other. Both fighting to keep me. I finally asked Satan to leave me and told him God is with me. And God won.
Subsequently, Kurt started realizing he needed to fight the fight. And he turned even more to God. As he did this, he went back to the verse above and realized how important it was for us to have our own space. He realized it was more important for us to be happy in the present and not worry so much about the future and about money. He acted quickly and bettered himself for me; for us. There were times he wanted to give up, but there was no question he couldn't. No matter how many he was knocked down, he got back up. Every time he wanted to give up he would hear a voice that said "how can you stand in front of God and justify saying you fought for your marriage". And I'm so thankful. He was sure he lost his wife, but stayed strong for us thanks to the help of the Holy Spirit.
I slowly started to rebuild my most treasured relationships and most importantly my marriage. Things started to become brighter and fall into place. We moved into a new apartment, hubby got a new (awesome) job opportunity, and communication in our relationship was improving.
Still, I prayed and prayed for God to give me a new passion or something that would fulfill me and make me feel like I had purpose again.
And on April 18th my prayers were answered. I was pregnant with our first baby. It was truly a gift from God because at the time we were not trying and I didn't even know it was what I wanted. But as soon as it happened, I was over the moon. And later that night when I told Kurt, he was too.
The bond of knowing we were having a baby together made our marriage into a Christ centered relationship once again. We picked right back up with the blissful feelings we had on our wedding day.
2016 is a year I'll never forget. The start was filled with storms and dark clouds and the end is filled with more love than I've ever known and a small apartment full of baby toys that have completely taken over. And we wouldn't have it any other way.
2017 we're coming for ya with baby in tow!